Category: Life

Settling Back In

Matt and I have been home from our vacation for a couple of days and I am slowly settling back in to working/sleeping/thinking about unpacking.

In very exciting news, I am also settling into the idea of becoming a mom in February! That’s right, little old me is almost through my first trimester ๐Ÿ˜€ All in all everything has gone smoothly, and I have begun to gain a little bit of weight. I wouldn’t say I’m showing yet, since no stranger would look at me twice, but I am definitely more comfortable in loose clothing and have been known to wander around with my pants undone (thank you Bella Band!). Matt and I are both so excited to become parents and have had a lot of fun finally sharing the news with many of our family and friends over the past few weeks!

The | on the right side means “this test worked.” The + on the left means “y’all are gonna have a baby!”

That is all the news I have to tell – I’m sure I’ll have stories and pictures to share along the way, and I still hope to find some kind of rhythm for blogging to share/process life as it happens, but I’m taking things day by day, so I’ll avoid making specific goals/promises for now ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Sitting, Talking

Matt and I had dinner with friends of ours last night and enjoyed some alone time while our friend Nick picked his wife up from the grocery store. We sat in the living room and chatted and drank water (it was 40 degrees outside and neither our apartment nor our car have air conditioning, so we were basically in survival mode for the drive there, not chatty, share thoughts on life mode). When our friends got home, Nick apologized for not showing us how to turn on the TV or something, but I said that after Matt being away for 4 of the last 5 weeks, it was really nice for us to just be in a room together for 20 minutes.

I find it is so easy to neglect simply talking and listening with people we love – life so quickly gets in the way. Time fills up with work, hobbies, time with friends, entertainment, and sleep (also, in our case lately, international travel, lol). Such a simple thing as sitting in a room and talkingย  – without music playing or a newsfeed running on TV and without cell phone games to play – has become too rare in my life. I think taking the time to actually let a conversation slip deeper than day to day chatter has become too rare in general; even with people we love and trust, vulnerability and deep honesty are coaxed out from us over time.

I’m heading home for a week and a half, and I hope that this timely reminder will not be wasted – I’ll have a short time to make the most of catching up with family and friends, and it would be a shame to spend very much of that time checked out in front of a screen.

Still Alive

My sick day turned into a sick week, so I’m glad I basked in all my alone time while it was so nice! Now that I am back on my feet it is still nice, but I am glad my people will be home tomorrow night so we can do some catching up before I do some travelling of my own to visit family back home ๐Ÿ™‚

Meanwhile, being on my own has usually meant going to bed early, and that ended up in me getting out of bed at 5:30 this morning after an hour of tossing and turning in frustrated half-sleep. THAT ended up in me going to the 8am service at my church instead of the 10am service, and I really enjoyed the feel of a smaller, closer gathering and a very simple service. The 8 o’clock has no singing, which was very different, but not boring like I thought it might be. I’d really like to go back if I ever get myself out of bed that early on a Sunday again! Anyways, at the end of the service, the only thing I felt missing was that we hadn’t sung any songs, which I mentioned to God, and then all of a sudden this hymn came into my head: The love of God is greater far. I didn’t even know most of the words, just half of the first verse, but I am doing some journalling and looked up the lyrics to write down (and now I am blogging…. oh internet!), and I will just share the third verse because I LOVE the images in it – every time I’ve ever sung this hymn I love the third verse the most. Also, somewhat morbid maybe, but I think I want this song sung at my funeral. Just throwing that out there….

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

What a wonderful song to have stuck in my head! Wherever this post finds you, I hope you know how BIG God’s love is for you.

Sick Day

Nimoy and I are both sick today. I’m glad I was home so that he wasn’t stuck in his crate, but it has been rough. I just thought I’d mention that for today at least, the magical glow of being on my own was definitely not glowy. At least there’s no one around to be grossed out by how garlicky I smell ๐Ÿ™‚

Reverse Loneliness

It used to confuse me that personality tests usually identified me as an introvert. After all, I’m not shy, I enjoy connecting with people, and I like to think I’m pretty good at it! However, when I heard the difference between extroverts and introverts defined as whether a person is energized or depleted by spending time with others, I realized how truly I am an introvert. I also see it in the contrast between myself and Matt, who is a strong extrovert. While I love spending time with others, I need downtime alone to recuperate afterwards, and although I may feel energized by a conversation in the moment, my resources are in fact being used up, which I really feel at the end of the day.

I was reminded of all this as I have spent this week alone for the first time since May – on Tuesday everyone left for a mission trip to the East coast, and I had an 8-hour work day that was pretty busy because of the long weekend. When I got home I expected to take the dog around the block and probably crash on the couch until I could justify going to bed. Instead, I cleaned everything. Kitchen, living room, bedroom, dining room, tidying, sweeping, sorting, throwing out. I felt so alive! I made soup from scratch to use up cauliflower I bought on sale (ie. without a plan to use it). I did walk the dog, and I gave myself a pedicure while watching netflix.

The fact is, I hardly recognized myself compared to how I’ve been feeling the last month or so – lazy (or “relaxed” shall we say?), unmotivated, whiny, irritable. It has not been that nice, and I’m sure it hasn’t been a picnic for my three housemates either (they have been very gracious). Rather than ruin it with too many questions, I decided to simply enjoy my new self as long as she stuck around, and then I read a blog post by someone who just discovered after years of thinking they’re an extrovert that they are an introvert, and it was like a light came on inside my head. I am an introvert! My mind exclaimed, And that is why I am thriving in this empty apartment! I’ve been sleeping so much lately because it’s the only way for my brain to be alone! And I just never realized because I like the people I’ve been around 24/7 for the last two months – but of course.

I know that this empty apartment might well become boring or lonely before everyone gets home, but in the meantime it’s so comfortable. I appreciate the conversations I have at work or with neighbours, and then I appreciate turning the key in my door and stepping into my home as I left it and settling into solitude, like wrapping up in a quilt (on a cold day. I certainly don’t need to be wrapping up in any actual quilts, the humidity is plenty). I don’t know if anyone else is the same way, but I realized that I think I was burning out on reverse-loneliness, or whatever we introverts can call it – the need to be away from people. For the last few months, I have spent without refuelling, and I am grateful to suddenly find myself in an oasis of time and space. I miss my people, don’t get me wrong, but I know they’ll be back in due time, so I’m soaking up now for all it’s worth.